Love Him Back

  Love Him Back

  Copyright © 2015 Kris Nacole

  Edited by Megan Hand with Story Girl Editing

  Cover Design by: Kari Ayasha of Cover to Cover Designs

  Interior Design by: Champagne Formats

  Photography: Back cover photo by: Shauna Kruse of Kruse Images and Photography. Back cover model: Frederick Wingate.

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author or publisher.

  You may not use this work for commercial purposes.

  You must not alter, transform, or build upon this work.

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, brands, media and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to the actual events, locales, and persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

  Warning: This book is intended for readers 18+ due to some explicit language and mature themes.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedications

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Epilogue

  Thank you

  Acknowledgements

  Soundtrack

  To my husband, kids, family, and friends

  Thank you for always believing in me, even when others didn’t.

  Love Him Back is dedicated to anyone who’s ever loved so hard that they’d climb snowy mountains and swim shark infested oceans to make their relationships work; even when others think it’s pointless. Love is a powerful emotion, and you should never take it for granted. If you have someone who loves you with their whole heart, let your guard down and love them back. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never experienced love at all. What a horrible place the world would be without a little love and romance. Everyone is worthy of being loved.

  OH GOD, PLEASE STOP. JUST make the pain go away.

  Those words kept running through my mind as I sat on the floor, crying and shaking while shielding my body and wondering why I kept letting this happen.

  Ian grabbed my wrist and jerked me up off the floor. Looking at him with pleading eyes, I hoped he’d finally see what he was doing and stop hurting me. But the eyes staring back at me were not the ones I had fallen in love with almost a year ago. There was so much anger in him it was like staring into oblivion—pure darkness. He’d made claims many times of blacking out when he’d been drinking heavily and not remembering what he’d done to me the night before. I’d always felt sorry for him and believed every word.

  Shame on me.

  “Ian,” I stammered, trying to reason with him. I reached up to touch the small cut on my face and felt warm blood trickle down my cheek.

  Please Ian, don’t. Not again.

  He didn’t listen. He threw me against the wall, and all I could do was pray he wouldn’t kill me. My cheek and hands stung from the blow, my hip also throbbed, but he didn’t give me time to recover. He spun me around to face him and pinned me against the wall. He locked my wrists above my head with one hand and his other hand closed over my throat. His thigh was wedged between my legs, and his body was pressed against mine, so I was riveted in place—unable to move. My body trembled under his grasp. His grip was tight and chilled me to the bone.

  I can’t breathe. Help. Please.

  The anger in the dark-as-coal eyes looking back at me told me that there was more to come.

  The pulse in his neck pounded violently. His voice dropped low, and he leaned in so close I could smell the alcohol on his breath. “I’m done with you. You’re nothing to me, whore.” The words stung, but all I could think about was getting him to let go, so I could breathe.

  I struggled for air, gasping for anything at all. The room started spinning, and my vision was darkening.

  “You will never tell anyone about this. You understand me?” he snarled.

  I croaked out half a, “yes,” and craned my neck trying to nod in agreement.

  I wasn’t just scared of Ian this time, I was terrified. My stomach was roiling, and I was afraid my dinner was going to make a reappearance.

  I coughed and gasped for air as he let go of my throat. He still had my wrists in his other hand and pushed them even harder against the wall.

  “Ian, please stop!” I cried out with my wrists throbbing under his firm grasp.

  “Shut up!” he growled. “Just shut the hell up! You’re worthless! You don’t deserve a damn thing from me!”

  I saw his fist coming and braced for another blow, but he punched the wall beside my head then slapped me across the face—and threw me across the room. On the way down, I tried to avoid the coffee table, but I couldn’t. My stomach landed on the corner, and then I fell to the floor. Grabbing my abdomen, I wailed in pain.

  Please God, let it stop.

  Still I couldn’t help but think, why me? Why couldn’t he just love me the way I was? Why was I not good enough? It may not have sounded logical, but I wanted him to love me back—to love me as much as I loved him. Was I foolish to think he could?

  Ian had always promised he’d never hurt me, yet here he was, doing just that. I’d tell myself each time that it would be the last, but it never was. Just once, when he touched me, I wished it was to wrap me in his arms, hold me and protect me, not hurt me. Was that really too much to ask? He used to be so charming and gentle when we’d first started dating. Maybe that was one reason why I had hoped that he would change—that I could change him.

  Give him one more chance. He doesn’t really mean to hurt me…does he?

  My body and heart ached. I was losing a battle, not only with Ian but with myself as well. My confidence was completely gone, shattered, and nonexistent. I’d never felt so alone, hurt, scared, ugly, worthless, and defeated in my life.

  As Ian hovered over me, I covered my face and braced for another hit. This had become my sad reality.

  “Don’t you ever contact me again, you lying bitch!” he spewed through gritted teeth.

  But, I’m not lying.

  Then, slamming the door, he tore out of the house, leaving me on the ground and forever scarred—physically and emotionally. My entire body was screaming in pain. I could taste blood on my lips as the all-too-familiar metallic liquid touched my tongue. My face was throbbing, and my wrists were already starting to swell and turn red.

  My stomach cramped and sharp pains radiated deep in my abdomen.

  Oh, God, no.

  With a whimper, I grabbed my stomach and then pulled my knees to my chest. Tears poured down my cheeks as I sobbed quietly, alone, on the floor in the darkness of my home.

&nb
sp; I needed to get up. Take myself to the hospital. But I couldn’t. On the inside there was panic, but on the outside, I was like a hollow shell unable to function. The pain was unbearable.

  Even through the pain, I breathed out a sigh of relief.

  He was gone…for now.

  Six Months Later

  I STILL COULDN’T BELIEVE MY first time on an airplane was to boot camp. And after that, on my way to the United Kingdom with nothing but a couple of suitcases and a carry-on. What was a small town, North Carolina country girl supposed to do in a foreign country? At least they spoke English there, so I didn’t have to learn a new language.

  I was trying to find some positives in my decision to join the Air Force, so I didn’t completely give in to my anxiety. All I could think about as I looked out the tiny airplane window was the past and pain I was leaving behind. I couldn’t help but rub my wrists as I remembered the last time he —no longer worthy of a name— threw me against the wall and pinned my hands above my head, yelling in my face how worthless I was.

  It had been six months since the last night he put his hands on me, but I would never forget his dark, emotionless eyes as they bore into mine. I knew he had his demons, but he didn’t have to unleash them on me. What he’d done to me was unforgiveable. I rubbed a hand over my stomach, reminding me of the loss.

  I needed a change. A way out. A fresh start. And joining the Air Force was it.

  I was Chesney Ward, and I would not let another man put his hands on me like that again. It had taken me almost a year of living the nightmare with Ian and feeling shattered, but I’d finally taken a stand and broken free of him. I deserved better. Much better.

  I’m a survivor, not a victim.

  I had the most loving family back home. My mom, Tamara, was my best friend. My dad was gone a lot for work, so most of the time it was just me and her. My parents were my biggest support system, and I didn’t know what I would’ve done without them. A part of me felt guilty for hiding what had happened with Ian from them. I’d always made excuses for the bruises or covered them up, so they wouldn’t see. When I finally came clean to them, they both gave me the strength I needed to pick myself up and do what was best for me.

  I smiled, thinking about all the love I had for my family. Then, a frown touched my lips as reality started to sink in. I was really going to miss them.

  My throat tightened and tears formed in my eyes. It was time to think about something else.

  Pull it together, Chesney. You made the right decision.

  I was still in shock that I was officially an airman in the United States Air Force about to embark on a journey that scared the hell out of me but excited me at the same time. I missed everyone like crazy already, but I was eager to experience life outside of my small town.

  Most residents of Wilkes County hadn’t even traveled outside of the state, and here I was about to see the world and be a part of something I could be proud of. Sometimes it felt like a dream. Everything was so surreal.

  My best friend, Erik, from boot camp and tech school—also known as Tate when in uniform—was going to England, as well. Having him here made me feel more at ease about going. The flight to Heathrow Airport was overnight, so at least I could sleep through most of it.

  Thank goodness.

  I needed something to keep myself from freaking out at the idea of being thirty thousand feet in the air with nothing but darkness and the Atlantic Ocean beneath me.

  “Hey, Ward. Earth to Chesney,” Erik said, snapping his fingers by my ear.

  His eyebrows furrowed with amusement.

  I still wasn’t accustomed to everyone calling me by my last name. That would take some getting used to.

  “Hmm?” I responded timidly.

  Erik was a real charmer. He had the cutest dimples and knew how to use them.

  “What’re you staring at? It’s dark out there. You okay?” he asked.

  I gave a nervous chuckle. “You mean, besides the fact that we’re thirty thousand feet in the air with the ocean and lots of hungry sea creatures lurking below? Yeah, I’m just peachy.” I rolled my eyes. “Cool as a cucumber.”

  He laughed, and I punched him playfully on the arm. “Don’t laugh at me. It’s a legit fear!”

  “Okay, you’re right. That was insensitive of me. I’m sorry. Now, close your window screen and try to get some sleep.”

  He reclined back, resting his hands on his stomach, and closed his eyes. I looked at him with a gentle smile. Erik Tate had been like a brother to me throughout boot camp and tech school. But that was it—a brother. He was far too much of a player for me.

  His light-brown eyes, gorgeous smile, dark-brown hair, and muscular build made him irresistible to all women—well, most of them—and he had a little black book to prove it. As much as he snuck out to hook up with girls from our class, it was a miracle he didn’t get kicked out of tech school.

  Our relationship was strictly platonic.

  Still, it was a comfort having him here. At least I had someone.

  Sighing, I slid down the window screen and reclined back in my seat, trying to imagine what my life would be like while living in England. So far, everything was a mystery. All I knew was I’d planned on making the best of it.

  I yawned and surrendered to my heavy eyelids—drifting off to sleep.

  “HEY, WAKE UP. WE’RE ABOUT to land!” Erik announced excitedly, punching my shoulder.

  “Ouch! That hurts!” I groaned and turned away from him. “Why did you have to wake me up before we landed? You could’ve waited until we were actually safe…on the ground.”

  “Oh, stop being a wimp,” he laughed. “Open the window. I wanna see everything as we land!”

  I groaned again. He was such a child.

  Reaching around me, he flipped open the screen, reminding me of a kid on Christmas morning.

  Yep, man child.

  I laughed at him and rolled my eyes in defeat. Even though he got on my nerves, I was thankful he was here. Erik was never afraid to tell me like it is, and his sense of humor always cheered me up.

  The Captain came over the intercom and announced there would be some turbulence as we landed, but nothing to worry about.

  Yeah right.

  The turbulence shook the plane so hard my butt came up off the seat, and I was pretty sure my stomach was up in the air above my head somewhere.

  Wheels! Where are the freakin’ wheels? Get me on the ground!

  Blowing out a breath, I clenched the armrests but tried to enjoy the experience as we descended into Heathrow Airport. The United Kingdom was beautiful from the sky. I had lived my entire life surrounded by mountains, which were also beautiful, but flying over the English greenery was breathtaking.

  As we sailed over London, I couldn’t stop admiring the grand architecture. Tall buildings stretched up toward the sky—kissing the low-hanging clouds—and the people below looked as small as ants. I had only ever seen London in movies or read about it in books. Now, I couldn’t believe I was going to get the chance to explore it all myself.

  As I stared in awe, my anxiety left me completely. Excitement started to build. I was ready to explore. Good thing, too, because I’d be calling this place home for the next three years.

  We finally landed safely — Wheels, ground, yes! — And I couldn’t have been happier as we pulled up to the gate, and the plane door opened. Erik stood and opened the overhead compartment to get our carry-ons. He handed my blue backpack to me and moved to the side, so I could walk out in front of him.

  “After you, my lady,” he said in the most horrible attempt at a British accent, bowing as if I were royalty.

  Weirdo. Okay, I’ll play along.

  “Why, thank you, good sir,” I said back to him, laughing.

  Stepping off the plane, I ascended the long tunnel to the airport. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. My legs wavered, making me unsteady as I reached the end and stepped into the very large and busy lobby area. The new experience
was already so overwhelming. Coming from a town that only had a Walmart and a few stop lights, I was sure to be a fish out of water.

  Oh, I’m in trouble.

  Everything and everyone around me was going at warped speeds. Everywhere I looked, there were talking digital billboards with movies and advertisements, high ceilings, and the tallest windows I’d ever seen overlooking the runway. People were even riding on a conveyer belt that stretched as far as my eyes could see. This airport was much larger than the previous one.

  I noticed men and women in business suits racing through the airport to reach their connecting flights. Some bumped into me without so much as an ‘excuse me’ or ‘I’m sorry’.

  As I started to turn a corner, a woman in high-heels slammed right into me. Without a second glance, she took off her heels and continued running toward the exit.

  How rude!

  Shaking my head, I had to remember I was not in my small town anymore, in the land of Southern hospitality. I glanced around in awe and wondered which direction I needed to go. Erik was also taking in the sights and slammed right into me from behind.

  “Ward, you have to pick up your feet to walk, you know. You’d think you were about to walk into a lion’s den with the way you’re acting right now.” He smirked at me.

  I loved his little smirks and the way his eyes would light up when he looked at me. He was my best friend, though, so I had to keep my feelings in check.

  Brother, brother, brother.

  “You’re enjoying this way too much. I really do feel like I’m walking into a lion’s den.” He had no idea.

  “Well, you’re in a foreign country with me. What could be better than that?” He winked at me, laughed, and then took off running.

  Sighing, I ran after him. “Don’t you dare leave me here alone!”

  OUR SPONSOR, SENIOR AIRMAN BROWN, was waiting for us when we arrived. He gave us our keys and helped us get situated in our dorm. Luckily, he also let me use his phone to call home. I needed to let everyone know I’d arrived safely.

  But what was with all the numbers? Zero-zero for the exit code, one for the country code, and then the full phone number. Thirteen digits. Sheesh.