Love Him Back Read online

  I narrowed my eyes. “You were ignoring me, too, after our walk. I don’t know what game you’re playing, Zane, but it’s really confusing. Friends don’t ignore each other like that.” Not that I wanted to be just friends…

  “Friends,” he repeated. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ignored you or given you angry looks while you were flirting with Maddox,” he said, obviously amused.

  “I wasn’t flirting!” I argued quietly. “I was talking to a new friend. Besides, what would it matter? It’s not like you and I are dating.”

  Well crap. That may have ruined it.

  Before giving him a chance to respond, I jumped up and started to leave. “I guess I should go back to my own tent now. The rain sounds lighter. Have a good night.” I turned back one last time, hoping maybe he’d ask me to stay.

  “Goodnight, Chesney,” he said, looking confused and torn.

  I could tell he wanted me to stay, but he was right. Maybe he wasn’t good for me. He seemed to be every other woman’s man. Was that what I wanted? No. I needed to forget about him and just concentrate on myself and have fun.

  Feeling her lips and her warm breath on my thumb had instantly turned me on. I could only imagine what would’ve happened if she’d stayed. It was in the middle of the night now, and I still couldn’t sleep. My body stirred again just thinking about how much I wanted to take her right there, in my tent, in the middle of the woods, challenging her not to scream and wake the rest of the campsite. But Chesney was the kind of girl who’d get attached. I could tell. She wasn’t the no-strings-attached type.

  After tossing and turning—unable to sleep—I got up, put on my socks and shoes, and headed out for a run. Time to run off some of this sexual tension.

  THE RAIN SUBSIDED, AND IT was almost dawn. I still couldn’t sleep because of Emberly’s snoring, so I decided to go for a jog on some of the nearby trails. Jogging had always helped me clear my mind. It was my outlet for everything. Even when Ian used to beat me, I would muster up every bit of strength I had and jog through the pain.

  With my ear buds in, I turned on some Nickelback and headed for the trails. My shoes squished on the soggy ground below. It was still fairly dark, but the sun would be making an appearance soon. My flashlight helped illuminate the small area in front of me as I ran. I tried tuning myself into the blaring music, but thoughts of Zane kept creeping into my mind.

  Stopping at a clearing not far from the campsite, I turned the flashlight off and placed it on the log behind me then bent over to catch my breath. Adrenaline coursed through my veins. I loved the high I got from running. It made me feel powerful—like I could conquer anything.

  A moment later, I stood back up¸ grabbed my flashlight off the log, and started jogging again. I rounded a sharp turn on the trail and slammed into something hard. “Oof!” I fell back with a thud.

  “What the hell?” I heard a deep familiar voice.

  “Zane?” I asked, the glow of his flashlight illuminating his profile, so I could see one side of his face more clearly. He had fallen with me, and his body was on top of mine.

  “Chesney?” he asked, sounding surprised. He was bearing his weight on his forearms, the rest of his body heavy against mine. For a moment, we both lay there, trying to process what had just happened.

  “Are you trying to get yourself killed? What’re you doing out here by yourself?” he said, annoyed, as he rolled off me and quickly jumped to his feet then helped me to mine.

  “No, I wanted to clear my head,” I said indignantly.

  Like he was the only one who could run out here in the early morning hours. Why was it safer for him? Because he was a guy? Typical.

  I continued, “I couldn’t sleep. And I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.”

  I yanked away from him and started brushing myself off, which was nearly impossible, now that I was covered along the entire back and right side with mud.

  Seeing my face, he offered; “There’s a shower on the other side of camp. It’s pretty much abandoned, but it still works. We’ll go there and wash off before going back to the tent.” He picked up his flashlight and turned to run down one of the trails.

  Seriously? He was going to run ahead of me?

  I mumbled something under my breath then picked my flashlight up, which was also now covered with mud, and chased after him. “Wait up!”

  We reached a little brick building in a clearing with nothing but open skies above us since the rain clouds had cleared. The moon still lit up the sky, big and bright, leaving shadows of the trees.

  Walking toward the building, I heard Zane turn the handle for one of the showers. They were outside instead of inside the structure. There were three wooden walls about five-foot tall surrounding two chrome shower heads. No roof or anything above our heads. It was wide open with only a slab of concrete to stand on. That was it.

  I watched as Zane pulled his t-shirt over his head, his back muscles constricting with each movement. This was twice in twenty-four hours I was seeing him without a shirt. Yay, me.

  He ran his shirt under the water to clean the mud off then wrung it out and hung it over the wooden partition to let it drip dry. He took off his running shorts and did the same.

  Wait a minute…Zane Thomas was standing in front of me in nothing but his boxer-briefs, and they hugged his hips and thighs in the best possible way.

  The sun was starting to peek over the horizon, but it hadn’t made it up yet. I was thankful the early morning glow allowed me to enjoy the view a little more clearly.

  “You gonna come over here before the hot water runs out?” he asked, turning on the second shower head and stepping to the side, so I could have room.

  I walked forward hesitantly and kicked off my muddy shoes and socks then tossed them on the bench by the showers and stepped in front of the pulsating spray of water.

  Zane froze and stood there, eyeing me. Biting my lip nervously, I shuddered with the thoughts of him that were running through my head.

  Don’t look at him. Don’t do it.

  I wasn’t sure, but it sounded like a low guttural growl came from his throat.

  The warm water felt nice on my toes as I stepped closer to the steady stream. Finally, I let the water run over my face and down the front of my body, soaking my clothes.

  I stilled as Zane came up from behind me and put his hands on my arms. Leaning in, he whispered, “You know, you really should take your clothes off and wring them out, so they can dry a little.”

  His hands tugged at the bottom of my shirt, making me gasp. He lifted it up over my head, wrung it out, and threw it over the wood next to his clothes. His fingers grazed my sides as he reached down to pull my shorts over my hips and thighs. I could feel his breath on my legs as he bent down to help me step out of my shorts. I placed my hands on the wall to steady myself.

  He turned me to face him.

  “There,” he said, stepping back to look at me—drinking me in.

  Instinctively, I drew my hands up to my breasts and stomach, feeling self-conscious. Zane frowned and pushed both of my hands back down to my sides. “Don’t cover yourself up, Chesney. You’re very sexy. Don’t hide it.”

  Even though I had on a sports bra and underwear, I felt naked standing there. It had been a long time since I’d felt sexy. Ian had always made sure to point out my flaws and remind me that I wasn’t pretty enough.

  I searched my body for bruises out of habit. No bruises. Just tanned skin. Of course, I wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore.

  I am safe now.

  I was putty in Zane’s hands as he turned me back around and put both of my arms up on the brick wall in front of me, below the shower head. He started massaging the mud out of my hair, and I could feel it cascading down my back and legs.

  He rubbed my shoulders, my back, and my legs, making sure to get all the mud off. I was about to pass out by the time he was done. My senses were on high alert. Every touch of his hands made me want
even more of him. I was starting to remember what it felt like to have a man touch me for pleasure, not pain. Standing up straight, I brought my arms back to my sides.

  “Zane,” I exhaled, barely able to speak.

  “Chesney,” he breathed, spreading chills all over my body.

  I tried to find my voice, “I don’t know what’s come over me, but I think…” I was trying to find what strength I had left, knowing he’d already warned me and that maybe being there with him was a mistake.

  He grabbed my hips, pulled me to him, and whispered, “Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe instead of thinking so much, you should just feel.”

  And that was it; that was all it took. I was so far gone that I didn’t care what was about to happen. I would happily go along for the ride. It was time to live by the motto I’d enlisted into the military with…No regrets. Tossing my head back against his shoulder, I decided to live in the moment.

  The sky was still painted with silver glitter as the stars shone through the little bit of darkness that was left. In the distance, a pink and orange hue hugged the horizon as the sun started to make the darkness slowly fade away.

  Closing my eyes, I heard the rustling of the trees in the distance as the gentle wind blew. I could hear the creaking of the trees in the forest, smell the fresh rain that had just fallen, and feel the wind chilling me as it blew against my wet skin. So peaceful.

  Zane pulled me around to face him, and there was an inferno in his eyes—the fire reaching mine. He had such an intoxicating effect on me. The chemistry was there; there was no stopping it.

  We stood there, the now-cold water rushing over both of our half-naked bodies, but I couldn’t feel the chill. All I could feel was him. He slid one hand around my waist and the other around the back of my neck. Tilting my head to the side, he licked my skin from the bottom of my neck to my ear, tugging my earlobe gently between his teeth. I could feel his body stirring, and I knew we both wanted the same thing.

  Reaching up under his arms, I wrapped myself around him and gently grazed my nails across his back.

  “Fuck,” he mumbled, pushing my back against the brick wall and crowding my body with his. I was unable to move. His lips were so close to mine. The anticipation was killing me. He leaned in, and I closed my eyes. I was ready.

  He cleared his throat, and then I heard, “We really need to get back.”

  Excuse me?

  “Are you kidding me?” I sputtered, turning the water off and stepping over to grab my clothes. His back was to me as he started to dress, and I noticed his shoulders were shaking. “Are you laughing?”

  He shook his head and chuckled. “I want you, Chesney, but not here. Our time will come. Now get dressed, so we can get back before everyone wakes up.”

  Wow. “You’re such a jerk,” I said, feeling vulnerable and angry.

  I cringed as I put my cold, wet shirt and shorts back on.

  “Yes, I am. I’m sorry,” he said, sticking his flashlight into his pocket and leading the way back to the campsite. There was finally enough light from the sunrise to help us get back without them.

  Yes, I am? I’m sorry? That’s all I get?

  I stewed all the way back. I had been mad at men many times in my life, but this one took the freakin’ cake. I think I was more upset at myself for allowing him to make me feel so irate.

  FOR THE REST OF THE day Chesney wouldn’t even look at me. I could tell she was angry, but I meant what I’d said about being with her. She was so delicate. I wasn’t sure she could even handle me and fulfill my needs. There was something about her, though…

  I spent the entire next week thinking about her. I tried not to, but I couldn’t get her out of my damn head. That woman was the bane of my existence. I’d never had a woman linger in my mind this long. When I looked into Chesney’s eyes, I could see the pain through the smiles. She was all bubbly and sarcastic on the outside, but I could tell she was hurting on the inside. I wasn’t sure what it was that was causing her so much pain, but I wanted to find out, so I could heal her. Protect her.

  Even when I was having sex with Mikayla, Chesney’s face and body would invade my thoughts. When I was at work, I thought about how her body had felt beneath me that night in the woods when I’d collided with her. Every time I took a shower, I remembered how slick her body felt against mine when we’d showered together. Everything I did reminded me of her, and quite frankly, it was pissing me off. I couldn’t understand why she had such a fierce hold on me. I’d never had to deal with that, until now.

  The only thing I knew to do was to call Mikayla and see if she wanted to go out to the club, so I could get obliterated and try not to think about Chesney. For one night, at least.

  Screw him. That had become my new motto. I hadn’t seen or talked to Zane in a week, not since the camping trip, but I didn’t care. I was done with that self-serving jackass. And to prove it, I was going out to have some fun.

  Jax, one of the guys I worked with, had asked me to go out to the club on base with some of his friends. Sure, I’d told him. I needed to get out and socialize anyway—really become one with the team here and get to know people. I’d been here for almost a month and still hadn’t reached out much.

  I met up with Emberly around eight, so we could get ready together. It was fun, too, getting all dolled up. Sometimes it was hard feeling girly when most days I wore very little makeup, my typical bun, and my uniform.

  I’d noticed in my time here that Emberly always wore nice, expensive-looking clothes that I’d never be able to afford. Tonight was no different. She was wearing an above-the-knee, dark-blue dress that hugged her body. It made me a little jealous. Her wavy, blond hair landed halfway down her back, and I swear she didn’t have one split-end.

  I was wearing jeans and boots with my blue and white V-neck tunic. As we were heading out, Emberly unbuttoned a button on my shirt, making my cleavage spill out a little.

  “You can thank me later,” she said with an I-know-you-like-it smirk.

  My long, brown hair was naturally curly, but I’d decided to straighten it for the night and wear it down. I’d let Emberly do my makeup since hers always looked flawless with her shining, green eyes and bright-red lips. I wasn’t sure how she did it, but she made me look hot. For the first time in a while, confidence radiated through me, and I couldn’t wait to go out and have some fun.

  “Whoa, you’re gonna turn some heads tonight!” she said, clapping her hands together and admiring her work.

  As we stepped into the club, I was immediately taken aback. The clubs back home were much different. The large brick building was a lot bigger than any club I’d ever been to. Lighting was minimal, and there were three bars and dance floors, two on the main floor and one up on the second floor. There was also a huge stage for live bands to play on. Video games, pool tables, air hockey, and darts were scattered throughout the building on both floors. It even had casino-type slot machines.

  Scanning the massive room, I noticed Erik and Jax over by the bar with a group of people. They both noticed me and smiled as I approached. Emberly went over to meet with another group of her friends and told me she’d meet up with me later.

  “Chesney, meet Ashley. She lives in our dorm,” Erik yelled over the thump of the music.

  “Nice to meet you, Chesney. Which room is yours?” she asked with a smile. She had dark hair and dark-blue eyes. She reminded me a lot of my best friend Jess from back home. Her smile looked kind and genuine.

  “Nice to meet you, too. I’m in room one-oh-three,” I yelled.

  “No freaking way!” she shrieked excitedly. “We’re suitemates!” she squealed. “Of course, I’m hardly ever there because I stay off base at my boyfriend’s house most of the time.”

  “That’s awesome!” I shouted back, laughing. “I was wondering when I was going to get to meet the mystery person behind the other door.”

  So this is the woman I share a bathroom with.

  Over the next hour, I met the
other several people that Jax had come with. Everyone was so cordial, and we all laughed and enjoyed our drinks while getting to know one another. It felt weird ordering drinks at the bar. It was still hard to believe I could legally drink even though I was only twenty years old. The legal drinking age was eighteen in England. Crazy! After everything I’d been through in the past, I sure felt a lot older than twenty.

  Three other people approached us at the bar. “These are my friends Aria, Skylar, and Ethan,” Ashley said, introducing me.

  They all lifted up their glasses to me and gave me half-drunken smiles. I got a good vibe from them from the beginning.

  After a few drinks and laughing until I almost peed my pants, I could tell I was going to love hanging out with these people.

  More people approached Erik, and he put his arm around my shoulders as he introduced them. “Chesney, this is Smith, Neil, and Collins. They’re new here, too. They were in my in-processing group.”

  Whoa, talk about name overload. It was going to take a while to remember all of these people. Each of them leaned in to say their hellos. They were all very handsome and very drunk. I wasn’t sure I would ever get used to being surrounded by so many attractive military men.

  Erik and the rest of the group I’d met had made their way to a nearby pool table.

  “I’m not really into pool. You wanna go mingle and dance?” Ashley asked.

  “Um, yes! Let’s go!” I replied excitedly.

  As we headed onto the very crowded dance floor, one of my favorite songs came on over the loud speakers—“Ignition Remix” by R. Kelly—and I threw my hands up in the air and began to dance. As I danced, I watched Ashley as she traveled around the dance floor without a care in the world. Men basically salivated as she passed by, but she didn’t even notice. I really liked that about her. She also took the quote “dance like nobody’s watching” very seriously. I laughed at her as I watched her giggle and spin around while throwing her hands up in the air.

  I’d decided in that moment that I was going to lose myself in the song and have fun, too. I closed my eyes and started to roll my hips back and forth to the beat, loving the feel of the vibrations under my feet.