Love Him Back Page 6

  As I twirled around and opened my eyes, my breath caught and my knees felt unsteady. Zane was standing in a dark corner watching me. He was surrounded by a group of people all laughing, drinking, and dancing. I could barely make out that it was him. He looked so different in his street clothes. So far I’d seen him in uniform, almost naked, dressed down, and muddy on our camping trip. But right now, he looked like a model in khaki shorts and a blue polo. To be honest, he looked hot in everything he wore. Him watching me was thrilling and filled my stomach with hundreds of fluttering butterflies. My whole ‘screw him’ motto went right out the window.

  The hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood upright, and I tried to calm my nerves. I couldn’t understand why my body was betraying me. I had written him off. There was no way he would ever want to be with someone like me anyway. I didn’t have a perfect body like a lot of the women he had to choose from, and I was sure he didn’t want to be with an Airman when he was a Staff Sergeant. If he did want me, he would’ve made more of an effort when he’d had the chance.

  Maybe he doesn’t want me because I’m so damaged.

  Ian had broken a part of me that hadn’t been healed completely—at least, not yet.

  A minute went by, and Zane was still staring at me longingly. His eyes were filled with something I’d never seen before—intensity, fire, passion—and once again my body ignited. How could he affect me like this from all the way across the room? It was almost disturbing.

  Through hooded eyes looking intently at him, I slowly rocked my hips back and forth to the beat. He tightened the grip on his glass and took a long drink. I held my breath, imagining how his lips felt against the chilled glass.

  I’d like to be that glass right now.

  Reaching up, I touched my lips with my fingertips. We’d been so close to kissing that night in Thetford I could almost taste his lips on mine.

  Out of nowhere, a man startled me from behind. He had a drink in one hand and could barely stand he was so drunk. He yanked me into him and started grinding on me like a dog in heat.

  I glanced back up at Zane. His jaw was clenched and anger crossed his brow.

  Trying to get this guy off me was like shaking a dog off my leg. “Dude, get off of me!” I yelled, losing my patience.

  “Baby, come on,” he slurred. The alcohol on his breath almost knocked me over. “I’m just getting started.”

  “Honey, you’ve had so much to drink, you couldn’t get it started if you tried,” I said, looking down at his crotch.

  “Bitch,” he muttered, taking a gulp of his beer and stumbling off the dance floor.

  Good riddance.

  As I turned my attention back to Zane, there was a glint of amusement in his eyes. He grinned and set his cup down on the table beside of him.

  I was about to smile back when a tall blond in platform stilettos started dancing around him. She flung her spray-tanned, scrawny arm around his neck and pulled his head to the side to look at her. Typical. Talk about a buzz kill. I didn’t know why that surprised me. Of course Zane had hooked up with half of the girls on base—or so rumor had it.

  I hated the disgust rising up in me as Zane slowly slid his hand around the back of the girl’s neck and pulled her to him. She pressed her chest into him and leaned in, rubbing her hand over his shirt. He whispered something in her ear then licked his lips and placed a small kiss on her cheek while glancing over at me. He was taunting me with her. I would never admit it, but it was working. I was jealous.

  I couldn’t stand there and watch him any longer. Turning away, I grabbed the drink out of Ashley’s hand and downed it. I shrugged. “Sorry. I needed it.” I winced and coughed as the alcohol burned my throat.

  Ashley laughed and kept bouncing around. She was having so much fun that she’d shrugged it off.

  I continued to dance. I wasn’t going to let him get under my skin any more than he already had. At least, I was going to try.

  The dim room was illuminated by colorful lasers and strobe lights pulsing on the dance floor to the beat of the music. I was definitely intoxicated though I wasn’t sure if it was because of all the drinks I’d had or from seeing him.

  The deejay yelled through the mic to get everyone pumped up. “Alright, it’s starting to get a little hot in heeere.” He stretched that last word. “What do ya think? You all wanna get wet? Let me hear yaaaaa!”

  He began misting everyone with cool water through the fans set up on the stage. The cool mist was welcomed and felt refreshing against my overheated and sweaty skin. I could feel trickles from the water dripping down my face, neck, and chest, instantly cooling me. Throwing my arms up in the air, I decided to keep dancing and tried to push thoughts of Zane from my mind.

  Yeah, right.

  The next thing I knew, my thoughts were interrupted by two hands on my hips. Someone was behind me. I froze in place for a second. My heart started to race. I didn’t even have to look back to know it was Zane and not the creep from earlier. When he touched me—like he had before when he’d first taken my hand—I felt that same surge of energy. The smell of his cologne also gave him away. I’d never forget his manly scent. He wrapped his hands around me and coaxed my hips to keep moving in rhythm with his.

  When the song ended, I started to turn around, but then “Pony” by Ginuwine came on. Everyone around us yelled with enthusiasm, and the guys on the dance floor gave drunken fist pumps to the air.

  The energy in the room was sexually charged. Women were grinding on the guys behind them, some couples were making out in the middle of the dance floor, and a woman to my left bent over to touch the ground then rolled her body back up and flipped her hair over her shoulder. The guy on my right was trying to multi-task by dancing with the blond in front of him without spilling his beer.

  Zane’s hands traveled up to the top of my jeans. He slid his fingers through my belt loops pulling my back tighter against his front and started to rock to the beat. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I gave into him anyway. I could feel his muscles tense under his clothes with each movement.

  The music thumped under us, and the fans continued blowing a cool mist over us as we danced. The contrast between the darkness and the rapid strobe of the lights was almost too much to handle. I had never felt so alive.

  Bringing my arms up, I ran my fingers through my hair and then down the path of my curves. My hands stopped on top of his, and I laced my fingers through his. Under our hands my hips followed his in perfect sync.

  Zane’s tall stature was perfect for me since I was pretty tall myself. Letting my head fall back against his shoulder, I closed my eyes and let my senses take over. All rationality went away. Warmth lit up every cell that was holding me together.

  Reaching in the air, I moved my hands behind his head and ran my fingers over his hair, following the shape of his ear. My breath hitched, and I inhaled deeply.

  I knew I was opening a door that I wouldn’t be able to close, but for some reason, I didn’t care.

  His breath drifted over my neck, and I pressed myself into him, wanting more. Wanting him to kiss me or touch me, just let his hands wander and explore. My knees trembled from the overpowering gravity of it all, and I thought I may fall. He must’ve noticed because his grip tightened.

  I shifted my weight forward and glanced at him over my shoulder. The hunger in his eyes was transparent. A mixture of sweat and the cool mist dripped slowly down his face and neck.

  My mind raced, and my body craved him. I couldn’t think clearly. The music was loud, but I heard him moan. The sound was enough to ignite a fire in me that I wanted to feel again—like I was going to explode at any moment.

  Our bodies rocked in rhythm with the music and each other. It surprised me how bold I was with him especially since I’d always been self-conscious about my body. My lack of confidence came mostly because my ex had always made sure to remind me that I wasn’t as skinny or pretty as he’d wanted me to be.

  “Why don’t you look as se
xy as her?”

  “Why don’t you get fake boobs, so you can look as hot as her?”

  “You’ll never find anyone to love you like I do. No other man would ever have you.”

  I only let his voice echo through my mind for a second before I shoved it out. He couldn’t have tonight. He was not taking this away from me. I had escaped him. I was no longer his to own or push around. I was free.

  There was something about Zane that made me feel safe. Made me feel bold like it was okay to want what I wanted, and it was okay to take it. He was safe and sexy all rolled into one. And even though the room was crowded, it was as if we were the only two here.

  Zane caught me off guard as he groaned and quickly spun me around to face him. He put his hands on my lower back and pulled my body against his. God, I needed this. All that time I’d wasted on someone who tore me down, and now…I needed this.

  He brought his head down to mine. Our faces were only inches apart. The sexual tension between us was tangible, at least for me it was. I wanted so badly to reach up and kiss him—no, devour him—but I couldn’t…yet.

  As the song ended, all I could think about was how I really didn’t want it to. We stood there breathing heavily. Both of us unsure as to what the next move would be.

  His tight, masculine jaw looked so tempting, making me eager to plant little kisses all the way up to his ear. There was a look in his eyes, a need I wanted to fulfill. I closed my eyes, thinking he was finally going to kiss me.

  I stood there unable to move—barely able to breathe. He pulled away from me, and he was gone. He’d walked off the dance floor and was heading straight for the exit.

  Seriously? I was confused, standing there all alone. How could he walk away from me, again, after that, and not even say a word?

  My eyes scanned the dark room as people scattered and headed toward the bar.

  I. Was. Livid. My cheeks were blazing, and my palms were sweaty as I clenched my fists. He’d made a fool of me, and I wasn’t going to let him get away with it. He’d embarrassed me, again. I was tired of letting men make me feel this way.

  Being the strong woman I was slowly becoming, it was time I said something. Moving to a new country—where I knew no one—was an opportunity for a fresh start. So I took a deep breath and headed toward the exit.

  WHAT IN THE HELL WAS wrong with me? I could’ve had any woman I’d wanted in that building, but none of them could keep my attention like she could. Hell, standing there watching her hips move to the music was enough to turn me on. Most women had to work for it. Not her.

  From the moment I’d spotted her on the dance floor, I couldn’t look away. Then when that drunken idiot touched her, rubbing his body against hers, it took everything in me not to go rip him off her and pound his face in. I’d never been a jealous guy, but after our night camping, I didn’t want to see any other man touching her.

  Mikayla had been right there, dancing on me, begging me to give her attention. And for the first time, I was getting annoyed with her. Normally, I would’ve been all over her.

  Being in control of my feelings was the one thing I’d always been able to count on. I didn’t like feeling so damn vulnerable when I was around Chesney.

  Pacing back and forth beside the club, I tried to figure out why I felt so bad about leaving Chesney on the dance floor alone. It was a douchebag move, but usually I wouldn’t care. I was the master of douchebag moves. I had to figure out why that woman was getting under my skin.

  I leaned back against the brick wall, trying to gain my bearings.

  After I’d found out my ex-fiancée was pregnant with my best friend’s baby, I’d decided no amount of pleasure was worth the heartbreak of feeling betrayed by the people who supposedly loved me the most.

  That was the day I’d turned off all emotion and decided I’d never let another woman in. I’d been successful, until her. The sad part was, I hadn’t even hooked up with this woman yet. That confused the hell out of me. I wanted to, of course, but I’d had enough control not to. So far.

  I rounded the building, wanting to be alone.

  “Dammit!” I yelled, hitting the brick wall a few times with the palm of my hand.

  I stood there, deliberating—go home or go back in and apologize for being an asshole. And I never thought I’d say it, but I needed to apologize. I may come off as a jerk to most people, but for some reason, I didn’t want her to see me that way.

  What I really needed was another shot—or five, to go home, and simply leave her alone. Maybe I should call one of my go-to girls to see if she wanted to get together. That would help me forget.

  Who was I kidding? I was in some serious trouble. I’d lost all control for the first time in my life.

  I’m screwed.

  As I stepped outside, I was hoping the cooler air would calm me down a little. It didn’t, so I went in search of him. It took me a few minutes, but I found him around the back of the building pacing.

  I could barely hear the thumping of the music inside.

  What was I doing exactly? And why was I acting like a mad woman over a man I barely knew? I started to get angry at myself, realizing how crazy this all seemed. Maybe I had imagined the chemistry we shared. He could simply look at me, though, and make me feel again—revive me from the pain holding me down.

  It was dark, but from what I could see, he looked so annoyed and confused. The soft glow of the flickering street light nearby was the only source of light. I started to lose all confidence in myself as I watched him in the shadows. I knew I should’ve walked away and went back to my dorm, but I owed it to myself not to let another man make me feel like I wasn’t good enough.

  Taking a deep breath, I sucked up some courage and stepped around the corner. “What’s wrong with you?” I said with a wavering voice.

  His head jerked in my direction, and he looked surprised. I didn’t let him get a word in before I lost it. “Why did you walk away like that? Again! Were you ashamed to be seen dancing with me? Did you leave because of the woman I saw you with? If so, you shouldn’t have approached me to begin with!” I was shrieking by the time I was done.

  When he said nothing, I went on. “Is this all a game to you? Do you like torturing me like this?” He still said nothing. He stared at me like he was searching for words. “Answer me, Zane!” The camping incident was one thing, but I wasn’t gonna let him get away with it this time.

  He took a second but then asked, “Is that really what you think?” He sounded as frustrated as I was.

  A wave of emotions flooded the smoldering blue eyes staring back at me. Even through the darkness, his passion and intensity burned through me.

  Suddenly feeling deflated and emotional, I responded, “I don’t know what I think anymore. The camping trip kind of sealed the deal for me. I wanted you then, and I want you now.” That was a lot for me to admit, especially after his rejection, but I was laying it out on the table. Taking a chance.

  He came closer, getting in my face. This time, I knew it wasn’t to kiss me. “I have thought about you every single day from the time I first saw you. Then the camping trip made it even worse. This is not normal for me, Chesney. I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” he shouted, taking a deep breath. “And, more importantly, I shouldn’t care,” he sighed, dropping his head. “I should be able to move on, shut my feelings off, and stop thinking about you.” His eyes narrowed as he said, “And that woman you’re referring to…I told her to leave me alone.”

  I blew out a shaky breath. He told her to leave him alone. But what does that even mean?

  I stared at him like a deer in headlights. I didn’t know what to say. Breathing heavily, his eyes softened as he touched my cheek and slid the fingers of his other hand through my hair. Feeling helpless to stop him, I turned my cheek into his hand and looked up at him.

  He slid his hand down my face, neck, and shoulders, finally dropping it to his side. I frowned at the loss of contact. He looked torn like he was fighting the urge to wa
lk away again. Then, before I knew it, he was shoving me up against the wall, sweeping my hands together above my head.

  “I am captivated by you, Chesney Ward, and I don’t know why. All I know is, when I look at you, I feel something that I’ve never felt before. I can’t help but feel like it was meant for me to be there, in that classroom, to meet you.”

  After the most agonizing pause, when I thought the tension was going to kill me, he leaned in and kissed me. Hard.

  Finally!

  My brain was singing, and I was floating. Literally. My feet were slightly off the ground as he held me against the wall. The hard brick pressed into my back, but I didn’t care.

  His kiss was demanding, yet his lips were yielding and fit perfectly against mine. My heart pounded against my ribs as if it were going to jump out of my chest. I melted right there in that moment. His sculpted body was pressed against mine. One hand was wrapped around my hair, tugging it, and the other hand had my wrists bound up against the roughness of the brick wall.

  The last time a man pinned my wrists, though, he was hurting me. Yelling at me. Making me feel useless.

  As the flashbacks started to assault me, I broke the kiss. “Stop, stop, stop!”

  He dropped me to the ground and stepped back. I massaged my wrists and then wrapped my arms around my stomach, feeling self-conscious and worthless, again.

  Why was Ian still haunting me? Why did he still have this power over me? I wanted to forget, but how could I when he’d taken so much from me?

  Zane looked a little frantic. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come at you like that.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not you. I wanted it. I just…had a moment.” I swallowed hard as I prepared myself to share. “Some bad things happened in my past that I can’t seem to get out of my mind sometimes.”

  He tilted my head up, so I was looking at him. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, or who hurt you, Chesney, but I can promise you that I’d never put my hands on you. Not to hurt you.” He looked so sincere. I had to believe him.